From love and living-in together to cinema and life in the big city, this power couple share their remarkable story
She’s the innocent face with bee-stung lips, commonly known as Chanda from Dev.D. He is the acclaimed and radical filmmaker known for his disagreements with the Censor Board. She flirts with the camera — posing like it’s an inherent talent — while he struggles to get a pose right. At first glance, you may think Anurag Kashyap and Kalki Koechlin have very little in common, starting with their significant age difference. The truth, as OK! INDIA discovers, is that two pieces in a perfect puzzle could not fit together any better. She’s the yin to his yang and their obvious differences make them stronger as a whole.
He raves about her talents — and her masala chai — while she credits the success of their relationship entirely to him. Of course, she also calls him “mad,” while he says that sitting next to her while she is driving is seriously scary. Over lunch at Sampan — the celebrated Chinese restaurant at Novotel, in Mumbai’s Juhu Beach area — the couple welcome OK! INDIA into their comfort zone, sharing their endearing love story and their fascinating life with us.
Tell us about the first time you met…
Kalki: [Laughs] The first time, he didn’t even want to meet me! I went for an audition for Dev.D and he had seen so many girls audition for Chanda that he just didn’t want to meet more. By the time he got to my audition, he had seen my photos and he completely dismissed me saying I’m some model type. Because I looked so pretty in the pictures, he was like, “She can’t possibly act; she’s too pretty.” So he didn’t come for my audition; I auditioned with the casting director.
Anurag: She was pretty and white…
Kalki: Yes, and he thought that meant that I couldn’t act. [Anurag laughs] Very bad. Very racist. So then I did the audition and literally 10 minutes after I left the office, he called me. He had seen the audition tape and he said, “Arey you’re good! Come back.” That’s how we first met.
Kalki: [To Anurag] You’re assuming that I had fallen in love with you. [Shaking her head] It took some time — a few weeks of him following me, coming to all my rehearsals, picking me up from everywhere.
Anurag: It took one month for her to fall in love with me.
Can you explain the attraction? It’s apparent, but can you put it in words?
Kalki: I won’t find another mad man like him.
Anurag: I don’t know. I can’t see anything beyond her right now.
Kalki: I think we both have an inner space which is quite different from the rest of the world. We find comfort in each other.
Anurag: I have always found it difficult to fit into the industry and I think she feels that way too… but we’re a good fit with each other. She has a background in theatre, as have I, and our circle of friends is also largely from the theatre — completely non-filmy. My circle of friends comprises theatre people and filmmakers, not the stars. So, at some level, I think we both share a world that’s common and we’re more comfortable staying away from all the ‘posiness’ and glamour.
Considering your 11-year age gap, Anurag, have you been called a cradle snatcher? Does the age difference matter at all?
Anurag: [Smiles] Of course it matters — I still feel younger than her.
Kalki: [Laughs] Yes! He’s far more immature than I would have imagined a 37-year-old man to be.
Anurag: [Seriously] Age has never been a factor…
Kalki: When I first went out with him I did ask myself, “What am I doing?” but it just never mattered. There are pressures — like work — but the age thing has never bothered us.
In your line of work, people are often quite secretive about who they’re dating. You’ve agreed to be an open book on this subject. Was that a decision that took a lot of thought?
Anurag: The credit for that largely goes to her…
Kalki: He was always warning me not to tell anybody about us.
Anurag: I’ve always told her not to talk to anyone. This industry is very intrusive.
Kalki: The way I look at it, people are going to find out anyway, so you may as well be open about it.
Anurag: In fact, it has been very comfortable being open about our relationship. Just because she talked about it, and she opened up, there has been no actual intrusion in our life. People are curious if you don’t tell them, but because we told everyone, there’s no curiosity — people let us be.
Kalki: There are no rumours and there’s no need for that because they know.
Anurag: That has been a great thing. Anyway, she cannot pretend and she cannot lie. If she feels something, she will say it then and there…often putting everybody in an embarrassing position!
Kalki: Yes, it’s a bad habit, to be honest all the time. Anurag: [Smiles] I’d say it’s a good thing…
What would you say is the best thing about your relationship?
Kalki: [Smiles] Everything!
Anurag: The best thing is the comfort factor. We are who we are, not wanting to conform to some expectations or anything like that. Both our families also love each other.
Kalki: [To Anurag, who responds with a smile] The best thing about this relationship is you…
What is the one thing that you bond over the most?
Anurag: We bond over movies.
Kalki: We’re like oldies. We sit at home and watch movies…
Anurag: Watch movies and have a glass of wine or a beer…
Kalki: Yes, mostly films and books.
Anurag: Graphic novels.
Kalki: Graphic novels — that’s my new interest. He introduced me to graphic novels.
On the average night out, what would you pick to do?
Anurag: She decides.
Kalki: Sushi! I always opt for sushi.
Anurag: Sushi and pink champagne.
Kalki: Yes, that’s our favourite. That’s when we want to spoil ourselves.
Anurag: Or BlueFROG [in Mumbai].
Kalki: Yes, BlueFROG, when there’s a good band performing.
Anurag, is there something about Kalki you would like people to know?
Anurag: She’s a brilliant writer. She’s possibly a better writer than I am.
Kalki: No, that’s rubbish.
Anurag: She wrote a play that won an award… she’s got a lot to say through her poetry and her writing. And she is a very good artist. She’s very good with charcoal sketches, drawing…
Kalki: I’ve made sketches of him.
Anurag: Of me and my daughter…
Kalki: But I’m very lazy; that’s my problem.
Anurag: She’s good with origami. She’s good with many things. She is a very physical person — if she has nothing to do in a day, she will be very angsty. She needs to physically let out: she has to sing, dance, anything. She will start making things, you give her anything… if you give her a lot of garbage, she will create art out of it. That’s what she does. There were some normal, simple tables in the house and she took these magazines and posters I had collected and turned them into very artistic tables. She’s very good with art and craft and writing. She has a big creative bone inside. The bad part is that she only wants to act.
Kalki: [Laughs] That’s my drive right now…
Anurag: She’s a good actor, but she can do much more. Her artistic, creative talents actually give me a complex.
Kalki, what is it about Anurag that is not commonly known?
Anurag: I’m not as serious as people think I am.
Kalki: Yes. He is actually pretty ridiculous. He laughs a lot. He loves really bad jokes. Like, in Shrek there was a joke: redonkulous. He found it so funny that he laughed for half an hour! He loves to laugh at these simple, pun-ish jokes. Everyone thinks that he’s very dark and serious, but actually, he’s quite a clown.
Anurag: And I don’t know how to make money. Kalki: No, you do know how to, but you don’t care about it.
Anurag: Okay, I’d say that’s true.
Kalki, what is the one thing that you know definitely gets this man?
Kalki: Honesty.
Anurag: I like people who work hard — sincere, hardworking people. I don’t like people who pretend to know about something when they don’t. I don’t mind a person who knows nothing, as long as he is honest.
Is Anurag romantic?
Kalki: Yes, he is romantic, in the sense that he will do special things for me. For example, when I’m sick, he will spend 24 hours just looking after me. If I’m unhappy, he will try very hard to make me feel better. He’s not the kind who brings flowers or perfumes every day. [Smiles] It’s not that kind of romance.
If we forced you to pick a trait of Anurag’s that annoys you, what would you pick?
Anurag: You wouldn’t have to force her! [Kalki laughs] I’d say my eating habits.
Kalki: Probably, his lack of control, especially over health and issues like that. He can never say no to things like drinking and eating. That’s one area where I keep telling him to slow it down and take it easy.
Okay Anurag, your turn.
Anurag: The one thing about Kalki that annoys me? I don’t know. She sleeps a lot. But that doesn’t annoy me. [He asks Kalki] What annoys me? Kalki: My mood swings?
Anurag: No, that doesn’t annoy me. When she’s being moody, I try to figure out how to deal with it, but it doesn’t annoy me.
Kalki: [To Anurag] What rubbish, you get annoyed with my mood swings! You scream at me: “Why are you getting upset!”
Anurag: [After a fair bit of thought] I get annoyed when she is upset with me. And there’s this issue about driving. I don’t know how to drive and, even if I did, I don’t have the patience for it. She drives, but she can’t deal with traffic. She can’t handle it when people don’t obey traffic rules — that really bugs her and when she gets annoyed, it all comes out on me for no fault of mine. Of course, she will say it’s my fault because I don’t know how to drive! That annoys me. So I’m very wary when she’s driving. Sitting next to her is the scariest part. [Kalki laughs] But when she’s not driving, it’s great.
So much has been said about the calming influence Kalki has on your life. Is this true?
Anurag: Absolutely. When I see her smiling and happy about something, it gives me this strange energy: I feel like everything is possible. When she’s upset, it feels like black clouds have come over my world. I derive a lot of strength from her. She doesn’t need to do anything, just her presence gives me a lot of strength. She is the most genuine person I have ever met. Of course, that can be difficult because she won’t hold anything back — she’s not diplomatic and she’s not politically correct. She will say what she has to say. Sometimes I feel like telling her, “Okay, fine, I know I shouldn’t have done that, but you can avoid saying that.” Still, she will say it. She doesn’t try to turn things around to make you feel good.
Would you say you fight often?
Anurag: Yes, we fight often, but she always makes up.
Kalki: [Smiles] He has a quick temper…
Anurag: That’s a problem with me. I don’t think I have a quick temper, but I do have a silent temper, which is worse.
Kalki: He has a ‘shut down’ mode. When we fight and scream and things get nasty, he shuts down. He’ll say, “That’s it. It’s over, we can’t talk. There is no solution.” I’m somebody who really wants to figure out a solution to problems. I don’t want to sit there and say I hate you or whatever. I’ll say, “Okay, we have this and this problem. We could do either this, this or this about it.” I’m more logical and he’s more emotional.
Anurag: [Laughing] We’re both drama queens.
Being a part of the same industry — is that an advantage or a disadvantage?
Anurag: It’s an advantage in a way.
Kalki: Though there are times I feel judged because I’m an actor with a director…
Anurag: Sometimes people don’t really know what goes on in filmmaking. When we made That Girl in Yellow Boots and when we said that Kalki has written it, people said, “Really?!” because a lot of people don’t want to give credit. It is like what has happened with Udaan. I have produced it, but I have not been on the set for one single day. Yet, if you follow this on the Internet, people are saying Anurag must have directed the film. That’s the problem — people don’t give credit where it is due. With Kalki, whatever she achieves is on her own strength. I don’t come in anywhere. Yet her credit is unnecessarily given to me. And this industry is like that. When I started my career, everything I did, people said I borrowed from Ram Gopal Varma.
What is it like to have produced work that couldn’t be seen by the public at large, as has been the case with some of your earlier films, Anurag?
Anurag: It’s scary and it’s heartbreaking, but, today, when I look back, I think I am quite happy that I went through all of that. Had my film not been banned, I would have been a different man, a different filmmaker. And I really like the kind of films I’m getting to make today. If my first film had been released and if it had done well, I could have easily become one of those filmmakers I don’t like. Looking back, I have no regrets. I am a stronger person because of those setbacks.
What is it about the art of filmmaking that makes you feel so passionately about it?
Anurag: The two things in life that I love doing are filmmaking and cooking. I don’t cook much, but when I do, I love it. I love experimenting. I think I’ve never made two dishes that taste similar. It’s the same thing with filmmaking.
Kalki: I’ll tell you what it is. He doesn’t talk about anything — he expresses himself in his films. He doesn’t talk to people often, apart from me now, because we’ve been together for quite some time. Otherwise, he really doesn’t talk.
Anurag: That’s true. I’m much better at saying everything through a film. When I get angry, I rant. Otherwise, I don’t talk. I never had too many friends as a kid. That’s true even today. Sanjay Gandhi, Vikramaditya Motwane and Kunal Sharma: these are my friends. They are the few people I have had in my life for the longest time and I value them. Other than that, I pretty much stay to myself.
Do you ever suffer from writer’s block?
Anurag: [Smiles] Too often! In fact, now I don’t write more than one or two scripts in a year. I’ve stopped writing for others. I only write for myself and that too I cannot write the first draft. I come in and do my last minute thing and then I’m ready to go. When I suffer from writer’s block, I just put the script aside and watch lots of movies until I forget that I had writer’s block. Then I make a comeback and finish it.
Anurag, you studied zoology, so how did the shift to films happen?
Kalki: This is a good story.
Anurag: I attended a film festival in 1993 and I suddenly realised: this is what I want to do. Kalki: He watched 50 films!
Anurag: [Smiles] I watched 50 films in 10 days. Five films a day — starting early in the morning. And then I left everything in Delhi and came to Mumbai. I watched those films and realised I want to make films too, so I came to Mumbai with Rs. 5,000 in my pocket. I checked into a hotel and, obviously, the money got over pretty quickly!
Kalki, your parents don’t belong to the theatre or the movie business — what led you into acting?
Kalki: I have no idea! [Laughs] It was just something that I always did. In school, even. I never saw it as a job; only as a hobby. Then, when the time came to go to university and I had to start thinking about a career, I spoke to my teachers and they made me realise that the things I enjoy — acting and creative writing — are the things I should pursue. Honestly, I was dead scared when I decided to opt for acting as a career. I felt like this is impossible, nobody can make a career out of this. It’s so difficult and everybody is struggling. Every single actor I knew was a waiter in a restaurant! [Smiles] Part-time actors, full-time waitresses.
Anurag: I was a waiter at Prithvi Café in 1993, because I wanted to hang around at Prithvi!
Kalki: And I was a waitress, for many years. And then I was a popcorn person in a cinema.
Anurag: [Laughs] That’s one more thing we have in common. I was a waiter in a theatre and she was a waitress in an alternative cinema!
Kalki, you’re often mistaken to be a foreigner, when in fact you were born in India. Do you feel more Indian or French?
Kalki: Definitely more Indian.
Anurag: She’s very south Indian.
Kalki: I’ve never lived in France, so I don’t have that culture. Even when I go and visit family there, I feel totally out of place.
But you have a love-hate relationship with Mumbai — why is that?
Kalki: [Laughs] It’s such a painful city! There’s so much traffic and the biggest problem in Mumbai is that if you’re not working, there’s nothing to do here and it’s so depressing! The city is like a golden cage: you have everything, but there’s no outlet. It is difficult for me especially because I grew up in the mountains and in the countryside. But I love the city because I love the people. Everybody in Mumbai is here to do something.
How has living-in together, in Mumbai, changed you as a couple?
Kalki: I think both of us have had to learn to deal with each other’s issues. We’ve had to learn patience and objectivity…
Anurag: [Laughing] I’ve learnt that she makes great tea in the morning.
Kalki: [Laughs] He can’t do without it.
Anurag: Two months into the relationship, we decided to move in together.
Kalki: We were at each other’s house every day! I literally had a set of clothes in my house and a set of clothes in his.
Does it ever get too much — working together and living together?
Anurag: At times it does, but that’s life.
Kalki: Sometimes, when we are both in the house and writing, there’s only one living room and one bedroom, so you do get into each other’s way. But you learn to deal with it. People live in worse conditions than us and do more important, creative things. People live in matchboxes and make the most amazing music and write the most incredible scripts. That you need space is all an illusion in your head: at the end, all you need is passion.
Anurag, does Kalki get along with your daughter Aaliya?
Anurag: Oh, when they’re together they ignore me!
Kalki: We gang upon him. His name is ‘motappa’.
Anurag: Yes, my daughter calls me that…
Kalki: …and so we gang up on motappa.
Anurag: They get along very well; they became friends before we got together.
If you could change one thing about your past Anurag, what would you change?
Anurag: There’s always something, because, at that moment when you are experiencing something, the pain is so intense. But now, looking back, I wouldn’t want to change a thing. My every experience has brought me to today.
Interview by Henna Achhpal
Photography by Sakina Zojwala for OK! INDIA
Location Courtesy: Sampan at Novotel, Juhu
[Originally published by OK! INDIA magazine in August 2010]
